I'm scared.

It's nothing new to me, and it's surely not new to anyone else. If you're human, you've probably felt scared at some point in your life. If not, please tell me your secret...

Anyway, I'm scared because for the last two years I've been obsessing over the future. College, college, college. Must volunteer for college. Must find job for college. Must join club for college. Blah, blah, blahbedy blah. I made a commitment that was supposed to help with college, one that was supposed to strip bare my life of anything but the commitment itself and school. One that was supposed to yield college-guaranteeing results. And you know what's scary? I'm starting to think - what if I fail? What if I've been putting in all this time and I fail and I have to stop? I look around and think - if all the time I've been putting into it is suddenly... free... I'll need to find something new. And there's nothing. It's too late. I keep thinking about all the scientific studies that insist that children learn the fastest, that children learn the most... If you want your kid to be musical when he or she grows up, teach them piano or violin or flute, and start really, really early. My parents started me with piano, math, and Russian at the right time. But now it's all gone. Other than school and dance, I basically have no supplementary skills.

So the whole point of that rant was to try and shed a ray of light on the thoughts racing each other like puppies after their tails in my head. Well, whatever I accomplished or didn't accomplish, it's nice to have a place to store all the crazy things you've worried about... So you can laugh at them someday in the future. Aaah, I really can't wait until that day. :-)